7 Toxic Dating Behaviors that make You Heartbroken

Dating to find a good man is hard enough but these 7 toxic dating behaviors in modern dating make you confused about relationships. Lately, women find themselves experiencing more random frustrating dating behaviors used by guys.  But…unfortunately my girlfriends (aka you) need to be aware of these crazy behaviors that guys will try.  Not in any particular order of what I call the YUK meter – despicable impact here they are.

1. Pie-Hunting

While pie hunting is a dating trend sounds cute, it is far more despicable. The term comes from the slang – pied off, which means getting dumped, dissed or ditched. it’s much nastier. Pie hunting is the dating term some men use targeting women with broken hearts. These women are in the first stage of struggling with how to get over a heartache. He uses this weakened state to take advantage.

Make no mistake it is one of 7toxic dating behavior. He connects with her by getting her to open up about her bad breakup.  She unknowingly shares how she’s had bad luck in her dating journey. This increases his interest to want to date her as a pied piper. He deceitfully claims he wants to help her with her broken hearts and preys on vulnerable women.

His attraction is the belief that vulnerable and low confidence women will be less picky and lower their standards of what she will tolerate and be grateful he is even interested.

I try not to curse but when I heard about this trend, I was like WTF? Women are not that desperate.  But then again, I remember what it is like to be one of the broken hearts. Anyway be careful of opening up too soon and giving TMI when you have just met someone or out on the first couple of dates.  Guard your heart. He has not proven himself trustworthy. Trust is earned over time. Besides at this point, it’s none of their business at this point.

You best defense is confidence. And yes the “pied piper” can be convincing but remember it’s best to wait until the dust on your heart clears after getting it broken.

2. Stashing

This is when you’ve been seeing someone for a while. You hand out regularly, things are moving along well.  You seem to share a strong connection and your compatibility is clear.  However, you are curious as to why you haven’t met any of his family or friends.  Well, you may have been stashed or pocketed.

This happens during the uncertainty period of dating when you someone is unsure about where the relationship is headed. So, you keep it DL for a period while trying to figure out their feelings for you. Note: ladies we also do this.

While it is normal to take time before introducing someone into your inner circle, and just because he hasn’t introduced you does not absolutely mean you have been stashed. Just watch for signs such as lying about whereabouts when he is with you.  If he is truthful and says I am with a friend he may be taking his time but if he deliberately hides you, beware he may not be serious and if you met the inner circle they may spill the beans that he is not interested in you long term. Or worse, they are actually married or living with someone and they’re trying to keep you from finding out the facts.

3. Scroogeing

Scroogeing is just another in a long line of terrible dating behaviors some men and women take part in—this one’s just specific to the holidays.

While there is a list longer than 7 toxic dating behaviors some women and men employ.   Scroogeing, since it is specific to the holiday season is described as dumping someone before Christmas.  But I also think it applies if they dump you right before your birthday to keep from buying a gift.  And/or any holiday to keep the lines clear that at least for now this is not a serious relationship.  According to an eHarmony survey, 1 in 10 Brits are guilty of this with the 18 – 24-year-old doing it most often. I also believe it applies to holidays when most people make fun plans and get-together.  They also have more time to spend with someone they are interested in. 

Men are more guilty of doing this toxic dating behavior than women.  Not a big surprise based on the complaints that I hear from women.  Additionally, some men use it as a way to pace, stall or slow down the development and expectations of the relationship because of the lack of long term continuity.  Think about it there is a holiday of some sort about every 30-45 days during the calendar year.

According to eHarmony, love scroogeing.  Guys may start with the slow fade leading into the holidays and then un-shockingly they disconnect and dump you. But I say if he doesn’t have the maturity and kindness to come clean then leave his single @ss out there.

4. Benching

In modern dating, with all of the swipe right/left phenomenon, oftentimes people don’t intentionally bench you to hurt you. Wrapped up in their own need to keep their options open because they don’t know what they want so they keep in contact to imply a little interest in order to not rule anyone out. Selfishly, they are usually unaware of the emotional impact of the toxic dating behavior on the other person. Most people are so wrapped up in the dating game plus with all of the technology you can use to meet and/or avoid people, they lose their sense of compassion of how much rejection can hurt. Sometimes all of the smart digital communication creates too much choice and variety and makes us humanly dumb.

People who bench often get an adrenaline high having multiple people to text, call and respond to.  They enjoy the rush of attention. Those cute daily texts made you believe the chemistry was mutual and the connection was going somewhere. Now you’re left nursing hurt feelings while facing a painful truth: you were building an emotional connection he never intended to match. Remember the impersonal nature of text sets up false hope where there should have been none.  It is easier to lie via text than real human voice communication. Texting prevent you from getting real context. Also, look back and see if you overlooked earlier signs of them fading out of your life. You won’t have to guess.

5. Love Bombing

Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with lots of signs of attraction and adoration.  Think hyper attentiveness.  Love notes, tokens of affection, flowers, notes on the mirror soon after meeting in order to manipulate you.  Think about it, he doesn’t know enough about you to be this smitten.  While initially, the attention can feel good, eventually it turns strange or too intense for the object of affection and can feel like stalking.

Psychology Today cites that, while you may start to back off because something doesn’t feel quite right, they will work to keep you focused on how perfect a match you guys are together to keep you off balance or question your sanity.  You know when something is off.  Remember if they are pushing the relationship too fast, call them on it.  If they honor your request good, if not you may be with a narcissist.

6. Vulturing

Just like the animal that circles wounded prey, some people out there can sense when there is trouble in paradise, otherwise known to some as a relationship. That’s their cue to use the opportunity zero in on the opportunity to help you pick up the pieces and make everything better. You can probably guess, that’s how the term “vulturing” became associated as a toxic dating behavior.

Often swooping in just to sleep with you and no intentions of ever helping you with the heartbreak. Only there to take advantage of the situation of a vulnerable heart.  This one really burns me up. That said, sometimes there is a great guy who may have been waiting his turn to date you is probably not vulturing. The difference is he is not looking to simply take advantage of your emotionally weakened state. Use your gut. You know when something is not quite right and this will help you to avoid relationships with untrustworthy men.

7. Throning

This toxic dating behavior almost shocked me.  There are some who only want to date you for your social connections and any VIP status you may have.  Not the same as gold-digging since the person is looking to benefit from your status and reputation.

Relationship expert, April Masini says, “It’s a behavior used to increase your own power simply by dating someone who already has it. When one person has significantly less status and power in the relationship, throning becomes more obvious.”

These types of relationship rarely survive the toxic dating behavior.  Think about it, one person has an agenda to use the other person and the other one usually feels taken advantage of once they figure out the other did not have genuine relationship dating intentions.

Final thoughts to my girlfriends.

While there are more toxic dating behaviors most people are looking for a real connection.  But everyone you meet will not necessarily see you as the right fit for them and vice versa.  Watch out when you are fresh out of a relationship or heartbroken.

Lastly, confident men are attracted to confident women and will usually leave you alone if you have just had your heartbroken. The losers are usually insecure and just want to get the cookie or have you stroke their ego by a sexy woman that may under other circumstances, never date him. So, he resorts to one of many and maybe one of the 7 toxic dating behaviors that I just shared.  On your dating journey for good men be careful out there and date smart before you use your heart.